Thursday, January 8, 2009

Austin's Top 10: Video Games to Movies (Part 1)

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about current movie adaptations of video games. I'm talking about the future, under perfect circumstances, what games I would like to see made into movies.

With current technology, computer-generated movies have been looking better and better. After seeing things like Final Fantasy: Advent Children and the trailer for Resident Evil: Degeneration, I realized that video games now have the chance to be properly represented in movie forms.

CGI movies aren't the only answer to making good video game movies though. If both pure effort and willingness not to stray from the game's story are present, then good live action movies could even be made. But it would indeed be a greater chance of mess-up in this category, especially since Hollywood seems to sink its rotten claws into most movies nowadays.

So, here they are, under great wishful thinking, the top 10 video games I'd like to be see made into movies:

10. Halo


So, there you go: Halo just barely comes in the list at number ten. Most people might expect Halo to be a bit farther down the list, but I just couldn't let myself do so. I hold an odd grudge against Halo, one that almost made it not appear in the top ten. I loved playing the games. They were all fun and enjoyable, and the multiplayer was just purely amazing. But the thing that gets me is that everyone loves Halo (except 99.9% of all girls). You can't throw a stone without hitting 4 Master Chief worshippers playing his game. I've just had enough with Master Chief being absolutely everywhere. So all you guys quit freaking waving Halo around everywhere and I may start liking it abit more.

But, no matter how much I despise its popularity, I still have to give it credit. Halo, if done right, would make an amazing movie. It's one of the few movies on my list that I think would be cooler as live-action rather than CGI. There were talks about a movie for awhile, but it basically got dropped and is currently dead. But to see Master Chief running about on alien planets beating the crap out of every alien he saw would have been amazing. I would have even been fine if they messed with the story on this one. As long as Master Chief remained a bad-a, all would be well.

9. Conker's Bad Fur Day

If any of you have ever played this game, you'll know what true genius it is. If you haven't played this game, then get out of my sight and go freaking play it you damn Jimmy-dangler. This game is one of the crudest yet most appealing games ever. You play as Conker, a bad mouthed squirrel in a land full of beer, babes, and violence. That is why I love this game. Never before would you have imagined a game where a cute woodland critter was a hero in a world of nothing but adult humor.

Never before would anyone imagine a movie about such a thing either. If they kept this movie animated in Rare's unique style and kept it as humorous and risque as the game, then it would be brilliant. Not only that but the following for the movie would be immense; the gamer fanbase and all teenage college kids would adore it (You listening Rare?). The only bad thing to come from this movie would be drunk guys constantly quoting it; a price I'm sure we would all be willing to pay to see such a movie made.

8. Ninja Gaiden

Action, violence, and a bad-a with a sword. That's all that people look for in true action movies; sure, a plot helps but, nowadays, as long as its got the essentials, no one cares about the rest. So I say we take advantage of that and make Ninja Gaiden into a movie. We don't even need live-action for this movie. Just look at the amazing graphics that Team Ninja uses on all its games:

There's no way people wouldn't want to see such amazing graphics. Lets put all those graphics engines (and don't forget physics engines) to good use and make a movie. Team Ninja already loves to attach unlockable cutscenes on all their games like the Dead or Alive series, so their next logical step would be to make a movie.

Not only all that stuff but it's about damn time for a ninja movie. Seriously, where the hell did all the ninja movies go? I haven't seen a damn ninja in a movie for ages. Did all the pirates kill them off? I miss the ol' "kill absolutely everyone in my way" ninja going on his quest to avenge his clan. We need more of that. I know sure as hell that Hollywood isn't going to give us any. So we can only look towards the rising sun for Japan's help of making a good ninja movie.

7. Left 4 Dead

If you know me, you know I freaking love zombie movies. As of recently though zombie movies have been rather...lacking. I think we should fix that up a bit though; not with another run of the mill zombie movie, but a Left 4 Dead movie.

I had been wanting to play Left 4 Dead for the longest time and, when I finally did over Christmas break...I was extremely amazed. The game is everything you could want out of a zombie movie. It has its cast of the last four survivors, its "infected" that threaten their lives, lots of guns and explosives and one additional, unique feature. This unique thing is the special classes of "infected" that show up in the game. Zombie movies only ever have one thing: the slow moving zombie; nothing new about them (except recently they've turned from zombies into "infected" so they can now run). With the unique zombie types, the movie would be livened-up. Just like the game, you never know when they might show up.

But the main reason I want this game to be a movie is because of the game's intro movie. It is beautifully animated. I want that. I want that to be extended for two hours on the big screen. I need that. Just watch it yourself and see why this movie must be made:



6. Super Mario Bros.

Every time I play a Mario game it reminds me of how much I love all of his games and wish there was more. Mario has been seen in games, cartoons, and even a live-action movie that shall never be spoken of again. I believe it is time to honor Mario with a truly good movie and no f-ing live action this time! I swear to god, if someone tries to stick someone wearing overalls and a red hat in front of a camera again, I will stab them in the heart with a sharpened candy cane and call it my Christmas present.

Never again...

If you have ever played Super Smash Bros. Brawl and have seen the cutscenes that play throughout the story mode, you know that they are of really high quality. I say that such quality and style be used to make a Mario movie. Plus, everyone knows who Mario is, so people around the world would all be willing to run out and see him on the big screen (you best be listening also Nintendo).

There is one thing that has to be done if the movie is ever made though. Mario, Peach, and Bowser must remain relatively silent. This may be odd sounding but just play the games and you'll start to see where I'm coming from. Mario never speaks in any of his games. Sure, he makes grunts and different noises but he never actually talks (The only exceptions are small things like "It's a me, Mario," which usually only show up in stuff like the Mario Kart games.). The Paper Mario series greatly plays off this by having him make gestures instead of speaking and I think it is just brilliant. The greatest thing about him is the fact he doesn't talk and, for a good reason, there isn't any need for him to. The story in his games is always the same: he has to go defeat Bowser and save Princess Peach. There's no real need for him to talk; he knows what he has to do and so he's off to do it. If he talked and had monologues, then the games would just be horrible. Just look at most Japanese RPGs. The main characters are always angst-ridden, young people complaining every five seconds. If Mario spoke, then he'd be complaining all the time and we don't want that. We want the heroic and funny Mario we always know. We don't want him speaking and messing up anything we hold dear. As for Bowser and Peach, they both speak in the games, just not always alot. For the movie though, I just don't think they need them to go into anything deep. The movie should at all times remain simple, just like the games. As long as the movie is simple and is what we expect from a Mario game, then it will be amazing. The movie could truthfully go completely without any talking whatsoever and it would be amazing. All we need is a note, hint, or visual to show Mario that Bowser stole the princes and all else will fall right in place as Mario heads out in chase of his arch-nemesis and his princes.

Part 2 Coming Soon.

3 comments:

Wesley said...

There are no zombies in Left 4 Dead. They are the "infected." Therefore, I wouldn't call it a zombie movie.

Also, I don't agree with your argument for a Mario movie where none of the characters talk. I don't think it would work at all.

Austin said...

See that's what happens when you let zombies get lawyers, they start demanding that "zombie" is wrong and that "infected" is the politically correct name for them. It doesn't matter, in a moment of haste when a flood of "infected" bust through a window, the first thing someone's gonna yell is "zombies!".

They're all the same nearly. The classic zombie is a human with a disease that invaded its body and becomes a part of everything. And so when a human gets scratched or bitten, the virus manages to transfer into their blood stream and eventually turning them into a zombie as well. The disease manifests in the brain, while the brain's basic function are rendered dormant, their basic instincts remain and are influenced by the disease. That's what in my view a true zombie has always been (sorry but that whole "dead people coming back to life and crawling out of the ground" stuff is all bullshit, that's a Hollywood zombie). Also the Zombie Survival Guide hold the same view.

The "infected" are what? Individuals infected with a virus that warps their minds and bodies. Its nearly the exact same thing. The only difference is that the virus works differently, and usually it keeps the body from decomposing like a zombie's would.

Since they are so close in nature I think that under normal conditions calling both by "zombie" is fine, as long as you recognize which type of zombie they are, the classic or an "infected".

Maybe I should have just used the term "survival horror" instead of "zombie movie".

As for the Mario thing, I didn't say they wouldn't talk at all, just Mario. The way I have a Mario movie envisioned in my head, it would be almost exactly like watching one of his games. Go play Mario 64 right now and just imagine better graphics, and not so much filler of having to constantly collect a ton of stars. In Mario 64 characters are always talking to Mario, but he never talks back, he uses his expressions to convey all his thoughts and emotions. If it worked for all games, then I believe it would work for the movie as well. It just has to be done in a tasteful way, which I'm sure Nintendo could easily pull off. I just want that classic Mario I'm familiar with to be portrayed the same on the big screen.

Wesley said...

Austin, zombies don't run. I don't care about all the text you wrote down. Zombies don't freaking run and you of all people should know that by now.