Trailer Run-Down: Quantum of Solace and My Name is Bruce

Hey everyone. Two new trailers for two movies that I'm pretty interested in seeing have hit the web today so I figured I'd go ahead and share them with you.

First up is the Teaser Trailer for 007's newest adventure on the big screen: Quantum of Solace. A lot of people have already decided to bash this film based on the name alone (which is ridiculous) but, after watching that teaser trailer, I don't know how you cannot be excited for this film. I don't know about you, but Casino Royale was probably the best James Bond film I've ever seen. The story was complex and engaging. Daniel Craig was a complete bad ass. Now, for really the first time in James Bond film history, we have a sequel that follows up right where the last film ended. In this sequel, Bond is just as pissed off and is ready to seek revenge for the death of Vesper Lynn on anyone who gets in his way. How about that shot of Bond coming over the a desert hill with a giant gun in his hands? Yeah, he's ready to rock. I'm first in line for this one. 

Next up is a trailer for the low-budget horror flick entitled My Name is Bruce. In this film, horror icon Bruce Campbell is contacted by a town that is plagued by monsters to help them. Thinking that it's just an acting gig, Campbell goes to the town and is shocked to find that the monsters are real... and that he is far from the monster slayer that he usually plays in his films. How cool is that premise? The whole film is basically just an inside joke. Bruce Campbell has always been my personal hero ever since I first saw the Evil Dead trilogy and the great Bubba Ho-Tep. I don't know about you, but this movie seems like it will be a blast. Bruce Campbell playing himself and fighting monsters? Yeah, that's all you need for me to be interested. The film looks like it's going to be filled with great one-liners, Ted Raimi playing tons of characters (a nice Evil Dead inside joke), and lots of cheesiness. Yeah, it looks ultra low budget, but I'm sure that will just add to the film's charm. I'm looking forward to it. 

I hope you guys enjoyed these trailers and are as excited to see these films as I am. 

Source: Moviephone, Joblo 

Jason's WALL-E Review!

First, let me just say that I am really excited to be back. I have been anxious to get back to writing and loving on movies, and I think talking about WALL-E is the perfect way to come back in style.

I have been looking forward to WALL-E for a long time. But then again, any project Pixar releases has me waiting anxiously ahead of time. Pixar is the epitome of computer animated movies and any other movie of the same format is automatically compared to Pixar’s unreachable standard. I watched Kung Fu Panda earlier this summer, and I can tell DreamWorks is trying real hard to make a quality movies. But after watching WALL-E, no other computer animated movie could possibly match up. The Bottom Line: WALL-E is simply the best computer animated movie ever made and it ranks up there with the most elite animated movies of all time (Not to mention it is one of the best films of the last decade).


Roughly, the first 40 minutes of WALL-E contains absolutely no dialogue. Other than some corporate infomercials convincing humans to leave earth, some singing and dancing clips from Hello Dolly, and some of those cute WALL-E sounds, the film is vocally absent. The stories are mainly told through physical means. Such as WALL-E performing his everyday routine, newspaper headlines that WALL-E conveniently runs over, and infomercials that play when sensors are tripped. But just about everything you need to know is taken in through your eyes. If the movie were completely without sound, it would still be enjoyable and understandable. But when Pixar does everything else right, it is nice to have the sound too.

Pixar has always amazed me with their attention to detail. I mean, nothing is taken for granted here, and the background set pieces are as much characters as WALL-E and Eve are. The way the dust blows, how the wind affects the trash piles, the wavy lines of heat, the trail marks left in the dust, and movement in space is all done to perfection. Not to mention about a million sight gags and cleverly integrated everyday things that appear throughout the movie in the background. And the ship is a dazzling display of light and satirical comedy. This is by far the most detailed computer animated universe ever made.

Just as every set piece has a personality, so do all the robots. What makes the emotion of WALL-E and Eve so amazing is that each emotion is conveyed through the normal working parts of their robot body. There are no goofy faces or fake expressions added. For example, WALL-E’s eyes are really lenses that zoom in and out, or “dilate.” When he is curious or scared or nervous, it is all seen in his eyes. However, nobody shows more emotion (other than WALL-E, of course!) than my favorite robot M-O (pronounced “moe”). M-O is an OCD cleaning robot aboard the spaceship housing all the humans, and he is so much fun to watch. M-O’s personality is his OCD. He cannot stand for anything to have a “foreign contaminate” and he will not stop until everything is clean. M-O’s encounters with WALL-E are really charming, and show fully the personality of each of them. Every robot is individualistic and free thinking.


On the flip side, the entire human race is obese and self-absorbed. They all wear the same outfit, do the same things, and stay wrapped up in their own worlds. They do not think for themselves, and are incapable of physical activity. This movie is Pixar’s most obvious social commentary. Humanity has become so wasteful and luxurious, we are almost not able to defend ourselves with it becomes necessary.

One of my favorite scenes was WALL-E and Eve Dancing. Earlier in the movie when Eve was sent to Earth to find signs of life, you could tell she had been there before. She waited for the main ship to leave and she spread her wings and began to fly alone. Later on, away from earth, the captain of the Axiom spaceship begins to look up things about Earth. One of the things he looks up is “dancing.” As dancing is defined, WALL-E and Eve are flying in space with each other to music, and Eve has finally found someone to share flying with.

There are about a million things I could discuss but nobody would keep reading for that long. There is really too much to look at and take in during just a couple viewings. I didn't even talk about the scariness of "Auto", the ships HAL lookalike co-pilot who will do anything to follow the orders he has been given, the many other references to 2001: A Space Odyssey and Short-Circuit, or the "obvious" Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin comparisons. I figure I'll let the rest of the critic crowd beat those subjects to death.


I did, however, find a few of the EASTER EGGS Pixar likes to hide in all of their movies, and up until now I have been avoiding reviews so I could find them on my own. Here are the ones I was able to find:

#1 - Towards the beginning of the movie, WALL-E goes to sleep on a shelf in his cargo truck home. WALL-E sleeps in box form, and as he is just beginning to wake up to recharge, right behind him above his top right corner is a little figure of Mike from Monsters Inc. on a stick.

#2 - During the scenes where Eve is looking for signs of life, she looks under the hood of a car. When she slams the hood shut, you can see a little rocket ship on top of the yellow car she just looked in. The car is really the Pizza Planet truck from Toy Story.

#3 - This one I am not entirely sure about but, towards the end when WALL-E and Eve are stuck in the big compacted boxes of trash, just below Eve on the left appears to be Buzz Lightyear’s plastic dome head sticking out of the trash.

*Update* Here is a link to a /Film article outlining the rest of the Easter Eggs found so far. Jake in the comments is the only other person to mention Mike from Monsters Inc., and no one has seen the Buzz Lightyear I thought I saw. Enjoy.




I know this review is choppy, but I talked about some of the things I thought were important in order to show the sheer love Pixar incorporates into each of their movies. This movie is successful in everything it sets out to accomplish. It would be really great to see other animated movies, as well as Sci-fi movies, be able to succeed where WALL-E does.

10/10

P.S. Its funny how DreamWorks uses extensive marketing to promote the big name celebrity voice talents that work on their movies, and yet, Pixar, who has never relied on big name voice marketing, can make a movie, in which the first 40 minutes contain no dialogue, 100% better than any other animated movie outside Pixar Studios.

M. Night Should Have Made the Unbreakable Trilogy Instead

So, I finally broke down last week and watched M. Night Shyamalan’s 2000 thriller / comic book movie Unbreakable. I had put the movie off for ages because, well, I hate M. Night Shyamalan and his movies (something that has been well documented on this site). The guy cannot direct actors to save his life, his films often rely on ridiculous twist endings, and the guy is truly an arrogant prick in real life. I thought the Sixth Sense was overrated and I hated both Signs and The Village. I haven’t seen his other latest films but, from what I hear, they are pretty God-awful. With that said, I’ve always heard that, even if you do hate M. Night and his films, you should give Unbreakable a shot. The horrible aftertaste the guy has left in my mouth has kept me from doing so until I saw the movie on sell at Movie Gallery for nine bucks. Finally, I said what the hell, swallowed my pride, and gave the thing a shot.

I gotta say that it was a pretty damn good movie. Basically, it was everything I loved about comic book films and then some. Actually, it was the kind of superhero movie that I’ve been fantasizing about making for years. Grounded completely in reality, Unbreakable makes the concept of superheroes and villains actually seem feasible and at times, even logical. After all, if there is someone whose bones are so brittle that they break every time that they fall, could there not be someone at the other end of the spectrum? It’s an interesting concept that M. Night only makes more interesting and breathes more energy into by injecting comic mythology into the mix. From the opening text over black, you can tell that this is going to be a film centered and focused on comic books, their popularity, and all the interesting concepts they tend to have. It feels like a film made by a raging comic book geek and that vibe definitely won me over since I am  a comic book nerd myself. My favorite sequence would have to be when Elijah Price is first introduced to a comic book by his mother on a park bench. The way the introduction is filmed gives the comic book itself a sense of magic, allure and mystery. With that one rotating shot, M. Night managed to actually get across the love and attraction that so many tend to feel towards comics without overdoing it or saying a word. It’s just all done subtly through crafty visuals. I loved it.

M. Night also did a great good at using visuals and a color palette to get across the nature of the main character’s world. For example, as the film goes on, the world of Elijah Price goes from a very warm and colorful world to a very pale, blue, and sterile environment. On the other hand, David Dunn’s world goes from a blue, depressing environment (as he deals with the possible breaking up of his family and other troubles) to a very warm, almost comic-bookish coloring. It’s all very subtly done and suggests that a lot of time and thought went into something that usually only works on a subconscious level for most viewers.

I also felt that M. Night did a great job with his direction to put the viewers right into David Dunn’s head and the crazy world he is about to fall into. Unlike many directors today, M. Night’s shot length is very long and he uses it to get across many emotions and tell his story like a pro. The long shot at the beginning of the film between David Dunn and a possible fling on a train not only gets across a fairly realistic conversation between two people that have very different internal motives but also the state of David’s soul and the downfall that he is going through on so many personal levels. There are many other examples of this kind of direction throughout the film where M. Night uses great shot length and impeccable framing to not only further the storytelling of his film but to get across much deeper concepts and human emotions.

And how about Samuel L. Jackson as Elijah Price (as known as “Mr. Glass”)? First off, talk about an awesome character design. Everything from the purple suits and his glass cane to that wacky Fredrick Douglas inspired hair duo made this guy right out of a comic book… although Jackson’s strong, obsessive performance grounded him in reality. I loved it. I know a lot of people say that Jackson is a movie whore and just about plays the same role in every film but you cannot watch this film and say that again. Jackson’s character has a great pathos to him and you really feel for him and want his friendship with Dunn, no matter how unhealthy it may seem to be at first, to flourish. My favorite scene with the guy would have to be that bit where he’s in the comic book store and refuses to leave. His body language and the way he keep turning the wheel chair into the shelves was hilarious. I just loved this character and the way that Jackson chose to play him. It was fun to watch.

As I stated earlier, this film is just filled with comic book geekiness. Of course, in order for the film to remain grounded in reality, it is all handled pretty subtly, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. One scene that really got across the love and appreciation for comics (other than the scene where Elijah gets his first comic book as described earlier) is the scene in “Limited Edition” where Elijah berates a customer for trying to buy a rare, original art print for an Action Comics cover from 1935 for his four year old son. As Elijah states, it’s not something that you would buy from a toy store for a toddler- it’s a piece of art. Like many others, I feel the same way about many comics and graphic novels today (no matter how rare or old they are)- they are truly pieces of art. It’s a shame that they don’t get recognized as such more often but I’m glad that M. Night saw this aspect of love for comics and was able to put this view on the screen so successful. After all, there are many collectors today just like Elijah who collect artwork from comics. I’m sure they view it just the same. I also appreciated how M. Night managed to get the classic comic book origin story mythos to apply to the realistic story of Unbreakable. While I won’t go into the film’s “twist ending” (something that is right out of a comic book to be honest… I was into it unlike some other viewers), there are many other things that he did in order to inject this mythos without making it cheesy or unrealistic. One example would be how David comes into his own superhero personality, even with a costume. The costume is simple and, at first, you may not even recognize it as a costume. However, as one sequence towards the end of the film begins to unfold as he wears this costume, you start to realize what it is due to the larger than life M. Night plans to film David and his movements and his choice of lighting. He manages to make the guy seem like a superhero without all the flashiness that we usually expect from a comic book film. Overall, it was a comic book nerd’s dream to see all of this unfold on my television screen.

So, is there anything that I didn’t like about Unbreakable? Well, yeah, kind of. First off, like I have stated many times before, M. Night has a tendency to direct his actors to fairly emotionless performances. Most of the time, I feel like these people act more like robots and aliens than actual people (hell, I’d even go as far to say that the aliens were more human-like than the people in Signs, M. Night’s most overrated film IMO). Unfortunately, there are some more moments of acting such as this in the beginning half of Unbreakable, but luckily for me, these moments did not dominate the film and were not as distracting or cringe inducing as they usually tend to be. Also, what is M. Night’s obsession with couples going through a divorce or separation of some kind? This guy must have seen some really brutal divorces or separations in his family as a kid or something because this kind of thing seems to come up in most of his movies. Lastly, there’s just M. Night himself. One of the things that just keeps me from sympathizing with M. Night and his recent downfall in cinema is his overly cocky and arrogant manner in regards to his films. This guy is full of himself to sickening level and, because of that, it’s really hard to enjoy any of his films, let alone feel sorry for him as he churns out shitfest after shitfest. It is this aspect of his character that kept me from seeing this film for so long and that is unfortunate. After watching the movie and thoroughly enjoying it, I decided to watch the special features. Well, that was a big mistake. In the behind the scenes documentary, M. Night has the balls to state that he was able to make the film and identify with the story because it was “about someone coming to the realization that they have a special gift that no one else has.” Hmmm… I wonder whom he’s talking about there? Unbreakable was great and original and all, but M. Night’s still an arrogant little asshole.

So, if you haven’t seen Unbreakable, I definitely suggest that you go out and give it a shot, no matter how you feel about M. Night and his films. It was definitely one of the best “blind buys” I’ve ever made. It has basically everything you could want from a superhero movie- great acting, strong characters, a fresh comic book mythos, a love for it’s source material (which is all comics), a contained feel of realism, and a solid comic book movie score by James Newton Howard. I’ve heard rumors that M. Night had planned to make this into his own comic book trilogy before the film came out and was ill-received due to bad marketing from Touchstone Pictures (instead of marketing it as a superhero film, they decided to push it as a supernatural thriller due to M. Night’s surprising overnight success from The Sixth Sense). It’s unfortunate that the movie did not go over so well with everyone (my dad hated it- once again, he was expecting a supernatural thriller) because I would have much rather preferred to get an Unbreakable trilogy from M. Night than the recent cinema that he has given us. I would tell him to put aside The Last Airbender and go after the Unbreakable trilogy instead but, after what I’ve seen of The Happening, he may not have the drive and talent to pull one of these movies off again. Maybe it’s better that he just leaves this series alone after all… Still, it would have been nice to get the last two parts of the trilogy when the guy was still in his prime. If you haven’t already, check this movie out- it’s the only M. Night Shyamalan movie that you have to see. 

9/10

Teaser Poster for Dark Knight Week

Click to enlarge.

Just another friendly reminder to check out YDKS on July 14th-20th for Dark Knight Week. Jason and I have a lot planned for this particular week, including a lot of Batman related goodies. It's really going to be a lot of fun to put together. Yeah, it's still two weeks away but time seems to fly by these days. So be ready for it. 

As per usual, the artwork is done by my brother Austin. He's planning a pretty big poster for Dark Knight Week but, like he always seems to be, he got bored and decided to churn this "teaser" out pretty fast. Yeah, we've only been home from the beach for a few hours and already he's gotten bored and designed another poster. I'm not sure what he's planning for the "theatrical" poster for Dark Knight Week but I do know that it will be pretty epic. After all, he's got two weeks to work on it.

So be sure to stay tuned not only for Dark Knight Week in two weeks but for a very important week starting this Monday. Not only is it the full-time, official return of Jason to YDKS, but it is the start of the YDKS Revolution campaign on Facebook. Here's hoping for the best. 

No Thanks

I was working on a much longer post for today (in which I did nothing but sleep, avoid the beach and read my Stephen King novel) but it doesn't look like I'll have enough time to finish it tonight. Because of that, I figured I'd show you guys why I am not looking forward to two movies coming out soon.

First up is a new poster for the film Dragonball. Based on the popular anime show, Dragonball is directed by James Wong, the director of Final Destination 1 and 3, and stars Justin Chatwin, Emmy Rossum, and Chow Yung Fat. I know a lot of people around my dorm that are actually excited about this movie. Well, guess what. It looks awful. I never was into the big Dragonball Z phase. I actually remember enjoying the original Dragonball series but, as for Dragonball Z, it just got too weird and well... anime for me. I'm sorry but I just cannot stand anime. I've just never been into it. With that aside, just look at the poster above. It is laughably bad. Why is Goku an American kid made up to look Japanese? That looks borderline offensive to me... and kind of hilarious. Seriously, I could not get through this movie without laughing every time this kid would come on screen. He looks ridiculous. Why couldn't they just cast an Asian actor instead? I mean, this series already has a huge following anyway. It's not like casting an Asian for an Asian character would keep fans and other like-minded Americans from seeing this film. It's times like these when I really question the logic of Hollywood. Also, why cast Chow Yung Fat as Master Roshi? Yeah, at least he's Asian, but come on, he looks nothing like Master Roshi. Just look at the picture below and then compare it to the poster above.

 Yeah, I thought it was funny too.

Luckily, I don't care enough about Dragonball for all of this Hollywoodization to upset me. However, I can at least state the fact that it looks like it will shape up to be an abomination of film. It comes out in 2009. I won't be there.

The second item above is the trailer for Disaster Movie, the latest parody / spoof film from the guys that "created" such classics as Date Movie, Epic Movie, and Meet the Spartans that comes out later this summer. This trailer is the polar opposite of funny. In fact, it's anti-funny. It actually makes me want to kill myself just for sharing the same planet with the people that not only created this piece of garbage but that actually find it funny. How is this funny? It actually defeats the purpose of the spoof film- it doesn't even focus on the disaster film element. How do you mess that up? Instead, it just focuses on random non-disaster film elements such as Iron Man, Hannna Montana, Hancock (really random IMO), Sex and the City, Enchanted, and Juno. Yeah, basically everything that is popular right now or will soon be popular (the Hancock thing is really in the air right now). 

I really didn't want to post this trailer on YDKS. It honestly doesn't even deserve to be on our page. However, it is so unbelievably unfunny, awful, and just plain terrible that it has to be watched at least once to be believed. If you watch this film and enjoy on even the tiniest level, then you don't deserve to be able to watch movies. I'm serious. This is the kind of thing that is responsible for the decline of Western civilization. I'd rather watch a live abortion than watch this film.

No thanks, Hollywood. I'll just remember how good The Dark Knight was instead.

New Updates and Join Us for Dark Knight Week!

Hey guys, I just got to Florida and what's the first thing I decide to do? Get on YDKS Movies of course! Seriously, I have no life. My nerdiness and obsession with this site has become unhealthy and seriously lame. I'm in Florida and I'm sitting in my grandparent's condo by the beach on my Macbook Pro on my movie website that I update everyday without pay. I'm insane, I really am. I need to get outside, get into the sand, look out at the ocean, and live life. What have I been doing guys? Spending all this time watching movies! Movies! I wrote a freaking eight page review of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull! What the hell am I doing?

Oh wait, what am I saying? I hate sand. I hate the beach. The sun is evil. The last time I was in the sun I got third degree burns. I looked about as bad as Two-Face is probably going to look in about three weeks time. How could I even doubt myself and this place? This is where it's at. Screw the beach, sand, sun, girls, and all that jazz. Give me a good flick and a Mountain Dew and I'm happy.

Anyways, I'm getting off-topic. I wanted to put this post down to kind of add to the "YDKS Under Construction" post that I put up last night. Along with the updates I listed on that post, I am also happy to add that Jason has put YDKS Movies on Twitter. So yeah, we're definitely hip now. So, if you're into that scene, feel free to follow us on Twitter. Personally, I'm still not sure what all this "joining" and "subscribing" is all about. But I guess I'm just not into the Internet scene that well yet. I'd also like to say that, in the next week or so, YDKS is finally starting it's Revolution campaign on Facebook. Jason and I have been looking forward to the Facebook campaign for awhile now and we feel that it will be a good way to gain new readership along with connect some of our regular readers.

Speaking of the YDKS Revolution, Austin, the official artist and poster designing master of YDKS, has his own blog now dedicated to the cause of our revolution. What is the cause of our revolution? Well, it's pretty complicated to say. Just to say to rid the world of ignorance and crappy film taste would be an understatement. Over the next few weeks, the truths behind our revolution should be more obvious to everyone. Be sure to look for all that. You can check out Austin's blog here. It's just as random and cryptic as Austin is. 

Lastly, I'm happy to say that the week of July 14th-20th is officially Dark Knight Week here on YDKS Movies! We have a few surprises planned for the week of the release of what's sure to be the greatest comic book film ever made, including a completely new site design, countdown lists, and many other things. And in case my post about The Dark Knight yesterday didn't get you excited, I read some new things today that have me absolutely about to burst. Not only does Christopher Nolan compare the character of the Joker to the shark in Jaws, but an extremely positive early review is comparing the film to Heat and The Godfather Part II. Yeah, I'm basically in nerd heaven. Girls are overrated.

Hope you guys enjoy all the upcoming updates for the site. I'll do me best to maybe go outside in the next fews days, possibly get some sand between my toes, and.... gasp... socialize. 

YDKS Is Under Construction

Hey guys, I just wanted to let you, the awesome and loyal readers of YDKS Movies, know that we are currently revamping and designing the site / blog and, because of this, we have been having various problems and bugs occuring. This past Sunday and Monday, our banner was down and then stretched. We finally managed to get it fixed last night. We have also been having trouble with embedding videos. The videos have been duplicating and then disappearing altogether for both my Batman post and the Angry Video Game Nerd post. I am currently working on fixing that problem. 

In the next few days as we try to make the site a better and more interactive environment, problems such as these may reoccur. Please be patient with us and let us know via the comment section if you are having trouble viewing our content. We are doing our best to make everything better and fixing all the problems as fast as we can. 

Also, I would like to point out that we now have a feature, thanks to Jason, where you can subscribe to YDKS Movies and get an update whenever we decide to put down another one of our awesome posts. I'd advise you to do so if you are a fan of the site or just the causal reader. There have also been some more subtle changes to the site over the past few days such as our banner being re-edited to look nicer, the removal of the Blogger header, and many other things. When we are done, this place is going to be just how we first imagined it when we came up with the idea for YDKS Movies so many months ago. It's been a lot of work and a long time coming, but this place is just about how I imagined it being when we first envisioned this site. Also, I'm proud to say that we have more readers to the site right now than we've ever had before. I hope to see the readership continue to rise as we continue to update and put forth our vision of what YDKS is all about.

Lastly, I'd like to say that starting tomorrow and going through Saturday, I will be going on vacation in Florida. However, I have decided to take my Macbook with me in order to update this place when I have the chance. Still, if updates are slower than usual, I'm sorry. I'm on vacation. I need a break too sometimes.

Hope you guys like all the changes coming and please be patient with all the technical difficulties that have being coming up lately. Oh, and thanks for reading. We love you.

The Dark Knight Is Less Than a Month Away and It Is Already the Best Movie Ever

So, I don't know if you guys have realized it yet, but Christopher Nolan's sequel to Batman Begins entitled The Dark Knight comes out in less than a month.

Less than a month...

Can you believe it? We're almost there. Do I even need to tell you how excited I am right now? I'm beyond excited. Excited doesn't even touch the surface for what I'm feeling for this movie right now. I am literally living for this movie. It's the reason I get up in the morning. I mean, do you guys realize how crazy and awesome this movie is going to be? How dark it's going to be? How much of a solid piece of true, unadulterated filmmaking this is going to be? This is the real deal people. This is a true comic book movie. It's going to be Batman through and through.

Literally every aspect of this film is appealing to me. It's covering not only the Joker's reign of terror on Gotham City (pushing Batman to his limits) but the tragic rise and fall of District Attorney Harvey Dent (one of the greatest stories ever told in the Batman comics). It's got an amazing cast with the likes of Christian Bale, the late Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart, Morgan Freeman, Maggie Gyllenhaul, Michael Cain, and Gary Oldman. Director Christopher Nolan is one of the most visionary, original, and hardworking directors around. Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker looks like it's going to be absolutely classic. It's one of the only performances actually to give me chills when seeing it unfold just briefly in the theatrical trailers. Every line of dialogue seems unique and thought out in it's delivery... hell, he even makes the way the Joker walks intriguing. His performance looks like it's definitely going to be special and one for the books... I only wish that he could be around to see it. But seriously, it looks like this movie has everything you could ever want in a film: action, drama, tragedy, catharsis, and the works. With a rumored running time of 2 hours and 30 minutes, it truly could be one of the most satisfying comic book films that we've ever seen.

This picture still gives me chills.

Still not convinced that this movie isn't going to be the best thing since sliced bread? Well in the Movie News World today, two new items involving The Dark Knight have come up. The first one is an article on Wired in which they talk to Christopher Nolan about his use of practical effects over computer generated ones. The fact that this guy tries so hard to make a real movie with real effects because he actually understands how distracting and, at times, unnecessary computer generated ones are is truly refreshing. I mean, he actually goes the extra mile just so the film will look better and will be more of a complete and theatrical experience. And he does it for us, the fans. It's sad when people like Steven Spielberg and George Lucas can't realize this fact when it comes to making Indiana Jones and the Kingdom and the Crystal Skull while Nolan, a much younger filmmaker, can show them how it's truly done. Take notes you old farts. You can read that article here.

The other piece of news comes from The Dark Knight's brilliant online viral campaign that's been going on for months. It's a video from Gotham Tonight that showcases the life and times of billionaire Bruce Wayne. It's pretty well put together and has some nice moments. I particularly like how they showcased Bruce's new penthouse suite above the city and the interviews they have with both Bruce and Harvey Dent. All and all, it's just another example of the great marketing campaign for an even greater film. Watch it below.

Are you still not excited for this movie? How could you not be? Like I stated above, my excitement for this film is almost at an unhealthy state. I've already asked for the weekend of July 18th off from work just to allow multiple viewings. I have the soundtrack for Batman Begins on repeat on my iTunes. There's a part of me deep down that wants to dress up as the Joker for opening night. My nerd boner for this film is so strong that I could cut a diamond. I'm breathing this film.

July 18th is my new birthday. Is it yours too?

Sources: Wired, /Film

The Angry Video Game Nerd Reviews TMNT 3

For about a year now, I've been a big fan of the Angry Video Game Nerd. His reviews and observations on bad video games (mostly from the original Nintendo era) are classic and hilarious. The first review of his I saw was for the Friday the 13th video game for the original NES. Being an owner of the game myself, I was more than happy to see someone else frustrated by its horrible graphics, lack of direction, and just plain awfulness. He basically picked out everything I hated about that game and more. Plus, I really enjoyed his live action bits that parodied the infamous slasher series.

Although the Angry Video Game Nerd (real name James Rolfe) traditionally just reviews games, he did do a special two part review for the film Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III. Rolfe is not only a big movie buff, but he is an independent filmmaker himself, mostly focusing on the genre of horror. Like most people, one of his favorite film series as a child was that of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And, like everyone else, he was vastly disappointed by the lackluster third film.

I can distinctly remember going to this film in the theater with my friend Ken and just hating it, even as a child. I would rant about it here but... well, the Angry Video Game Nerd covers every complaint I could ever have. My favorite part of the video is when he counts down the worst lines of the dialogue in the film... the Adams Family quote still kills me. Man, what an awful movie.

*Warning: These videos are NSFW due to foul language*

Part 1 of The Angry Video Nerd Reviews TMNT 3:

Part 2 of the Angry Video Game Nerd Reviews TMNT 3:

And as a bonus, I decided to throw in the AVGN's review of Friday the 13th for the NES. It's still my favorite review that he's done. My favorite line: "You gotta get the knife... it's mandatory."

Hope you guys enjoy these.

Source: Angry Video Game Nerd

Random Thoughts From A Video Store Clerk, Part 4

Click here for Part 1.

Click here for Part 2.

Click here for Part 3.

Part 4: Closing Time

As the slow night wanes on, I’m getting better and better at interacting with customers. After all, I’ve had my moment of realization that they’re just like me already by this point.

Still, despite this, there are still people that I cannot seem to interact with. There’s this one guy who goes to my college that comes into the store all the time but, every time he comes in, I’ve never acknowledged the fact that we go to college together. I’ve never talked to him. Someone else always rings him up. He’s just another customer.

On this particular night, he comes into the store to return a movie he rented last week. Like clockwork, I move to the back of the counter to receive the movie from him. However, as I do so, my attention is on one of the promos on the TV monitor. I think it was that “Let’s Save the World” music video that tends to entertain me so much. Because of this, I don’t know that it’s him that’s returning the movie until I look down at the last second, making direct eye contact with him.

Although I cannot remember one specific moment where we’ve talked at my college, I know that he knows who I am just like I know who he is. We have mutual friends and there had to be a time where we were introduced to each other. I’ve probably even sat at the same table as him for a lunch or dinner due to our mutual friends. Still, because we’ve never really acknowledged this recognition before at the Gallery, it feels like we have to remain strangers each time we meet there.

My hand grabs onto the DVD he is returning. Our eyes lock. I manage a smile and say, “Thank you.” He replies the same. Yeah, he knows who I am. And I know who he is. But we cannot acknowledge it. For some reason, it’s just too late for that. He knows it and I know it. It’s strange but it’s just some unwritten rule that we have to subconsciously follow.

I take the DVD and turn back to my workstation. I hear the sound of him exiting the store. Deep down, I hope that he stops coming in when I’m working. I just don’t like dealing with the awkwardness that is abundant while he’s around. It’s not that I don’t like the guy- I barely even know him. But, because of our understood silence, I don’t enjoy our interactions while he’s around.

One thing that I’ve started to notice as I’ve started to study customers more and began to become more social with them is that you can actually tell which customers have had sex before they have come into the store or those that are planning to have sex.

The ones that have had sex usually come into the store arm in arm, still clinging to each other. Their hair is tossed and messy. When they come up to the counter to check out, they keep their words short and sweet. They avoid eye contact. In a way, they know that you know what they’ve been doing. It’s like part of them feels guilty for being seen in public afterwards but the other part of them is excited and feels like an outlaw of sorts for doing so.

Then, there are those who are planning to have sex. They usually aren’t arm in arm but they are definitely touchy feely while in the store. They flirt and touch all around the wall as they look for a movie. I hear them laughing as they do so. Already, I know it’s coming. They get even more aggressive while at the counter in front of me. They’re giggly and bubbly. Each of them knows what’s going to happen in a matter of minutes. Unlike the shy couples that come in after sex, they are outward and overly social. Each of them tries to make their partner embarrassed in front of me and try to get a rise out of them. I’m just now part of their foreplay.

After they leave the store, I wonder how far they make it before they turn to sex. Sometimes I wonder if they even make it out of the parking lot. It’s times like these when I fear for the state of my DVDs that I rent out. I think more about finding that semen strain earlier. I start to scratch my legs. I could have sworn I felt something on them…

When I’m not part of the foreplay for some horny couple, then I’m the punching bag for some asshole trying to impress his girlfriend. We have a two for ten dollars deal with video games in the store. However, if you read the fine print, this deal only applies to the older system games. I’m talking games for the Playstation 2, Gamecube, and the original X-Box. Games for the X-Box 360, Playstation 3, and the Wii do not fall under this category. We have signs for this throughout the store. There’s even one on the outside of the store.

On this particular night, a meathead customer and his little lady come into the store. I don’t like them from the start because they bring food and drink into the store, which you’re not supposed to do (unless you work for the store- after all, you got to eat lunch and dinner sometime). However, I feel like being nice and non-confrontational, so I let it slide. They take forever to get their games. Finally, they reach the counter, coming to my station. After I ring up their two Wii games and new release rental, I begin to try and sell them a Discount Rental Card. After all, I haven’t able to sell one all night. I’m starting to get paranoid and depressed. However, this guy’s balance is right at twenty dollars. Selling him a 23-dollar card for only $19.99 should be easy, after all it’s a deal. I’m saving the guy money.

Then, he asks for the two games for ten dollars deal. I explain to him that that only works for the older system games, as is explained on the signs for the deal throughout the store. By this point, I have given up hope for selling the Discount Rental Card. I can already tell that he’s going to make the rest of the transaction as difficult as possible from the look on his face. Quickly, I offer to take one of the games off his purchase since he was confused about the deal. But no, that’s not good enough. He’s still arguing to me that the deal should work, that the signs are all over the store- even outside. I show him the policy on the sign where it says that it is only applicable to the older system games. That’s still not enough. Only his girlfriend is making logical sentences with me, telling me to go ahead and take one of the games off. I do so and begin to go on through the rest of my transaction.

But no, he’s not done. As the girl pays for it all, he goes throughout the entire store, pointing to each and every sign that has the game deal on it. He points to it and yells back to me, “See! Here’s another one!” I’m not even looking at him. I’m just going through the transaction with a fake smile on my face. After all, we have to uphold a demeanor of calm and pleasantry throughout our transactions, no matter how much of an ass the customer is. When he sees that going through the store isn’t going to affect me, he comes back to my workstation and asks why I put all those signs up if they weren’t true. I tell him that I had nothing to do with putting the signs up. I just work the register. I tell him again that the deal is stated on the signs as just applying to the older systems. It still doesn’t matter. I’m just another target. Just another piece of foreplay. I’m just an object for him to act all masculine and tough against in front of his girlfriend. After all, there’s nothing tougher than trying to put down and humiliate a twenty year old kid behind a counter at a video rental store over a two for ten dollars video game deal that you misread. However, she seems more annoyed than turned on.

Finally, I’m done with the transaction. I go to the back of the counter to hand the guy his game and new release rental. As I begin to hand him the tapes, I look into his face and say what I say to each and every customer, no matter how they treat me: “Have a good night.” He rips the tapes away from my hands harshly and won’t even look in my face. I get no vocal response. They leave.

I think horrible thoughts. I hope he dies in a car crash. Or a house fire.

Then, I just let it all go. I always do. He doesn’t matter. Just an asshole trying to prove how macho he is to his girlfriend.

I really just don’t understand it all. What is wrong with these people? Why am I such a target? How sick do we have to be to have to lessen strangers and embarrass them to make ourselves feel better? How sick do we have to be to make them apart of our foreplay? Good God, I don’t want to be a part of a sex act. I don’t want to be a part of fight. I just want to give them their movies. I don’t know how they do it. I really don’t. I can never see myself treating someone working a counter at a store like this, even before I started working myself. I just don’t understand them. I don’t feel any connection to these people around me. All they get is shitty movies. All they like is crap. They use me to get off. They use me. Someone they’ve never met.

This is all after my realization that they’re just like me. This is after my visualization of them being like little bunny rabbits. I’m contradicting myself again. Nothing is making sense in my head. My stomach is still churning from stuffing down that dinner. My legs still itch. I want to wash my hands but there are no paper towels in the back. It will take forever for my hands to dry. Plus, there’s too much sulfur in that water. It smells awful. It’s just a self-defeating task. I’m not really getting any cleaner, but I have to make my mind think that. My mind is messing everything up. I think about stacking more movies on the wall. Good God, there’s about an hour left and I still haven’t sold a card. I still haven’t sold a card! My metrics are going to be down for the week… already, my job is going to be in jeopardy. Fired from a video store…can you believe that? Well, I’m going to have to. All because of that macho-wannabe asshole. This is all his fault. The horrible thoughts return. Car chase. Fire. Drowning. Anything that’s painful. That piece of shit, I want to kill him. I want to kill him with my bare hands. I want to rip him apart. Rip him apart.

I’m standing back at the register. I don’t know how long I’ve been standing there. My head is down, the blue computer screen filling my vision. The promos are still going on in the background. My co-worker is still narrating her module taking difficulty. Good God, how is she still talking? Suicide. It doesn’t look bad.

“Excuse me, sir?”

I look up. She’s beautiful. Aren’t they all? Blonde hair wrapped back in a ponytail. Blue eyes. The perfect smile.

“Hey…” I find myself saying, “Can I help you with something?”

“Yeah, I was wondering if you had any of the seasons of The Office? I looked but couldn’t find any.”

Deep down, I pray that we do. I check the system. We only have the First Season because we suck. But she’s cool with that. I smile. I go and get it for her. It’s deep down in the gallery section somewhere. Luckily, I find it without much strain and bring it back to her at the counter.

As I start to ring her up, I find myself wanting to make conversation. In fact, I’m dying to make conversation. I can already feel the words on the tip of my tongue. Say them, my mind tells me. Just make friendly conversation. A year ago, I would have jut let it go. But something’s different tonight. I can feel it. Yes, something’s different.

“So… you just now getting into the show?” I ask, a smile on my face.

“Yeah…” she laughs, “My friend showed me some of Season 3 last week. After that, I just knew I had to watch all of it.”

“Yeah, Season 3’s a good one. Personally, Season 2 is my favorite. I like Season 1 a lot too, but it’s pretty short. But yeah, overall, it’s the best show on television, in my opinion.”

“Yeah, I really liked what I saw. I’m looking forward to it.”

It all just feels perfectly normal. There’s no strain. I’m talking just fine. It’s just normal, friendly conversation. I finish the transaction. I hand her the change. As I do so, our hands touch.

I never mean to touch a customer’s hands while giving back change. I usually avoid it as much as possible. This time it is an accident, just like all the others. However, as we touch, a spark of electricity jolts through my arm. Already, I’m starting to remember why I love women so much. I forget about the asexual lifestyle. I forget about the girl I love. I forget about Christa all together.

I move to the back of the counter and hand her the DVD she just rented. Like I do with all my customers, good and bad, I tell her, “Have a good night.” She tells me to do so as well with a smile. The perfect smile.

Her name is Anne. I prefer her to Christa. After all, she just rented a DVD of my favorite television show.

Not all customers are bad. Not all of them are out to hurt you. I’m back to where I was earlier that night. Most of the customers you have are just like you- they’re the little, harmless bunny rabbits. Anne has helped me to see that again. However, there are those that are out to get you. There are those that, no matter what, will make things difficult. These are the wolves. They are few and far in between… but, unfortunately, are more memorable and effective than the rabbits. Because of this, you tend to forget how normal most people really are. I’m sure I’ll forget all of this once I get into a negative transaction again…

The last hour wanes on. Somewhere along the line, I finally sell a Discount Rental Card. The transaction is fairly uneventful. After all the stress leading up to it, you figured there would be something special about it. At least I don’t have to worry about a big fat zero being next to my name the next morning on the Discount Rental Card section of the metrics. At least I don’t have to worry about that.

The last hour is usually uneventful. You usually get last minute customers that come in and get one or two items apiece, screwing up your units per transaction metrics for the entire night. But they don’t know that. I do though. I go through the transactions with a fake smile on my face.

No, nothing ever special happens in this last hour. If it does, it’s usually something negative. In this last hour on this particularly slow but stressful Monday evening, I have a transaction that I’ve been thinking about for days now.

I recognize the girl before she even gets to the counter. She’s with some jock that I don’t recognize. He doesn’t matter. He’s just there. She’s the important one. I recognize her as a girl from the grade below me from high school. She was one of the more popular girls. I would see her in the halls every now and then. I think she was a cheerleader. Yeah, I’m pretty sure she was. Throughout those four years of high school, I never spoke to her or had a conversation with her. We never once interacted.

She comes to the counter to rent some movies out. She had two of them, though I forget the specific titles. Honestly, they don’t matter. I begin to carry out the transaction when a tiny voice inside of me begins to talk. Speak to her, it says. Ask her if she went to your high school. A year ago, I would have never considered it. However, with the way tonight has been going, anything seems possible.

I take the locks out of the movies. I scan them into the computer. I tell her the total.

Do it. Just try for once in your life to do something you would have never tried to do before. It’s not even that big of a task. Do it.

She’s looking down into her purse, getting her money out. My vocal chords seem to be working all on their own.

“Did you go to JA?” I ask her.

She looks up from her purse, the money in her hands. She has a smile on her face and gives a small laugh.

“Yeah, I did… I thought I recognized you. How’s it been going?” she asks.

She recognized me. How about that? She never once says my name. Never once. Whether that’s important or not, I still haven’t decided.

“Good… I’m at Mississippi College right now.” I find myself saying.

The guy isn’t making eye contact with me. He’s looking down. He’s just there, not even remotely important. He’s just an ornament.

“Oh, that’s great. What’s your major?” she asks.

“English. Writing concentration. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with it yet… but I like it…”

“Yeah, I’m not really sure what I’m going to do with my major yet either.”

“Um, where are you these days?”

“Ole Miss.”

“Oh, that’s cool. I have a lot of friends up there right now.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes.”

It all seems so natural. It’s like we’re old friends catching up on missed times. Except, the difference is that I’ve never even spoken to this girl before. She’s never even acknowledged me. I didn’t even know she knew I existed, let alone enough to recognize me behind a counter at her local Movie Gallery. Yet, here we are, talking it up. You’d think we’d shared years together.

“How about your brother? Is he still at JA?” she asks.

She knows I have a brother? God, she must really know who I am. She must really know. She knows I have a brother. How could she know that? I thought we didn’t even exist.

“No…he just graduated. He’s going to State.”

“Oh, well good for him.”

“Yeah.”

I finish the transaction. While doing so, I add that I’m only working here for the summer, just for the extra cash. I tell her about all the free rentals we get. She acts impressed. The guy never enters the conversation. I don’t even think he ever even looked up. I move to the back of the counter with the tapes. I say those magic words. She starts to leave.

“Good to see you, again,” I add, keeping the old friends vibe we’ve had going for the past three minutes.

“You too,” she replies, “Have a good night.”

Then she’s gone.

What the hell just happened?

I go back to the front of the counter, trying to put it all together in my head but I can’t. Even later that night, I’m lying in bed, still thinking about it. How did she know who I was? Did people actually know who I was in high school? Did they know who I was well enough to remember me years later?

When I left high school, I remember thinking that no one, other than a select few from my own class, would remember me. I remember thinking that I left no mark once so ever. I wasn’t very social. I had my own group of friends and we did a lot of stuff but, other than that, I avoided social events and parties like the plague. I couldn’t identify with anyone other than my friends. Then, there were times when I had trouble identifying with them. I was never popular. I was just there. I spent the majority of my free time studying and doing schoolwork. I was barely existing.

I was nothing special. I was uneventful. No one should remember me.

But she did. She even knew that I had a brother. God, how did people really view me at high school? Who am I? What do people think of me? Why does she remember me, of all people? There’s no reason for her to remember me…

I start to feel strange. I start to feel more regret. Maybe… despite all the things that happened to me… maybe… there was a chance for me to have been something… anything, in high school. Maybe people did like me. Maybe I was more than I viewed myself to be. Maybe I just wasted an opportunity, all because of a few assholes trying to put me in my place. Maybe I missed the train.

I break a lock at the front desk. I started to play with it while thinking this over. My co-worker looks over from her modules. We say nothing to each other. I throw it away.

I’m still thinking about this, my old manager, the ants, the asshole customer, Christa, and everything else by the time I’m in the back counting down my drawer. I hate counting down the money at the end of the night. You’re so tired by the time you do it that you are almost guaranteed to miscount the cash at least once. I have to count up my credit card receipts twice after messing up the addition the first time around. The second time it all adds up right.

After my co-worker undergoes a stressful last minute transaction with some unruly customers, she comes into the back to count her own drawer down. As I mentioned earlier, she narrates the entire process. I look at my old manager’s framed certificate on the wall.

It’s around 10:40 p.m. when we leave the store. We finish putting up the deposit, set the alarm, lock the place up, and leave. Outside, it’s still as hot as it was when I left to return my phone call earlier that day. Flies are everywhere. My co-worker and I say our goodbyes and I climb into my truck to drive home.

At my house, I walk bare foot on my carpet. It feels like walking on thousands of pins and needles due to standing up for the past six hours. This is what I get for running off and putting up movies every time a new one comes in the drop box.

After getting on the computer for a few hours, I go upstairs and climb into bed.

The clock says 2:26 a.m.

I don’t remember when I fell asleep that night. But I do remember running through the night in my head over and over again… especially the transaction with the girl from my high school. Over and over again, I ponder the significance of the things she said to me or if they even mean anything at all. I think about it all until my brain hurts. Time flies by. Soon, it’s four in the morning. I’m exhausted. My legs and body ache. Still, I can’t sleep.

Things start to melt together. I’m bending the events of the night with the images of the bed changing as I shift my body’s position, desperately trying to find a spot of comfort. At one point, I have the urge to write it all down. For a brief moment, I consider going downstairs that moment and beginning to do so. No, what till tomorrow, my exhausted mind says. Just wait.

In the last moments of consciousness, I try to search for answers to that last transaction and many of the other troubling or confusing things that happened to me during that night.

I can’t find any answers.

For a brief moment, I feel like scratching my leg.

Hope you all have enjoyed this series of articles.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Trailer is Pretty

In case you guys haven't seen this yet, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button trailer is now online for you to gawk at. The film is based on the book by F. Scott Fitzgerald and follows the life of a man who is aging in reverse (from an old man to a little baby). This is the trailer that has most of the online film community geeking out because it basically plays as a beautiful short film. I particularly like the song that is used in the trailer (it is called "Aquarium from the Carnival of Animals") and all the striking visuals. I was wondering how they were going to sell this movie and I'm still not really sure how the general, mainstream public will react to this kind of trailer. I was pretty much sold though from the fact that it's a movie by David Fincher (director of Seven, Fight Club, Panic Room, and Zodiac). That's all I really want- another brilliant Fincher film. Hope you guys enjoy the trailer above.

Source: Trailer Addict

Random Thoughts From A Video Store Clerk, Part 3

Click here for Part 1.

Click here for Part 2.

Part 3: Everything is Broken

None of the DVDs are working today.

I’ve only been working for thirty minutes and I’ve already had two DVDs returned and a call from a customer complaining that a movie she just rented won’t play.

While this is a common problem for the Gallery, it’s really not our fault. Customers don’t tend to take very good care of our DVDs and, as a result, they tend to come back worse for the wear. I’m talking about all scratched up and smudged with oily fingerprints. However, contrary to popular belief, DVDs don’t have to be scratched up to have trouble playing. Sometimes, it is the customer’s DVD player that is to blame for a film not playing properly. For example, I primarily use two different DVD players: my brother’s Xbox 360 and my Samsung HT-SK5. While my Samsung player can barely play anything anymore (including brand new DVDs), the Xbox 360 does not have trouble playing anything. Customers don’t understand this concept unfortunately and, because of this, they tend to blame us for all of their DVD troubles.

One of the women that bring back a DVD that is not working right turns out to be the mother of one of my friends at college. However, I don’t realize this fact until after she has left the store when I see my friend’s name listed in her information. I wish I had realized it a little sooner… perhaps she would have been a little less harsh on me. It wasn’t too bad though. I gave her a credit on her account and all was made well.

A few minutes later I get another DVD back from a male customer complaining that it isn’t working as well. He says that it just freezes up and skips around to various places in the film. I take the DVD out of its case and give the backside of it a good look. I can see why it’s having trouble: it has what appears to be semen stains on it. Now, this is not something many people will admit to you. In fact, I’ve never even talked to my co-workers about it. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen dried semen on the back of a DVD. I’m not sure who gets pleasure in touching a DVD after… well, you know, but people do it. Sometimes, they do it right onto the disc. Now, first, let me assure you, this is a very rare thing for us… but it does happen.

I put the thing back in its case and begin the process to send it back to the manufacturer for replacement. There’s no way I’m putting this thing back on the wall. In the back of my head, I’m mourning for this poor guy’s DVD player. Nothing’s going to be wrong with it of course but just the fact that this was inside of it makes me nauseous. My OCD begins to kick in and I feel the urge to start cleaning. I feel the ants on my legs…

It’s times like this when I’m thankful that we don’t sell adult films at my Gallery. There are some Movie Galleries that have an adult film section… hell, apparently some of them even have tanning beds (something that still doesn’t even remotely make sense to me). I feel sorry for them. I’ve read all about what it’s like to work in an adult film store. You get movies back covered in semen every hour of the day. Sometimes, you can catch people masturbating in the adult film section. You get to experience people undergoing serious porn addictions every day. You get there at 9 am to find guys shaking, waiting to get in to rent porn as quickly as possible.

No, that’s not for me. I couldn’t do it. It’s little reminders like this that reinforce that. If you’re reading this, don’t get too paranoid. Just check the back of your DVD before putting it in your player. That’s something I do everything regardless of whether I rented the movie or I just bought it. It’s not that hard to do. And like I said, it’s rare.

As the time starts to go by, I start to get hungry. I pull my little brown bag dinner out from its hiding place in the counter and put it before me. I look around. There are one or two other people in the store. I look out into the parking lot. It appears to be empty. I begin to open the bag, pulling out my tin foil wrapped Coke and my plastic bag containing a ham and cheese sandwich. I ask my co-worker if she wouldn’t mind covering for me for five minutes so I can quickly stuff my food down my throat. She’s still taking those damn modules. She’s in mid complaint with one of them when she says, “Oh yes, that’s fine.”

If there’s one thing that I actually hate about working at Movie Gallery, it’s that we don’t officially get a lunch or dinner break. Usually, we just eat behind the counter in front of all the customers. I hate eating in front of the customers. They always watch you intently as you do so. As they do, I always have the feeling like they’re secretly judging me, like I’m lazy for stuffing a sandwich in my mouth. I’m hungry damn it. I have to have food so I can have the energy and focus to serve you. Stop looking at me. Every time I bite down, I’m paranoid about a piece of food making it’s way out of my mouth and staying on my lip for the whole store to see. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed a meal behind that counter. I usually just stuff it down as quickly as I can.

What’s worse is when you don’t have a co-worker with you. Then, in the middle of your meal, you have to put your food down and serve a customer with your mouth still full and your throat dry. Then, when the store is clear, you have to quickly run to the back and wash your hands so you can pick your food up again. At least, that’s what I have to do.

My co-worker’s covering for me but, to my dismay, the store’s starting to crowd up. I get as far away from the counter as possible, even turning my back to it as I cram the food into my mouth. Don’t turn around, my mind tells me. Don’t you dare turn around. I’ve got one bite left of my sandwich when I glance back at the counter to see my co-worker dealing with a line of customers. One of these customers makes eye contact with me and begins to walk towards the register on my side of the counter.

Son of a bitch…

With my mouth still full, I rub my hands briskly together and walk up to the register. Through the sludge of sandwich in my mouth, I ask him how’s it going. I then serve three more customers.

After the little rush has ended in the store, I ask my co-worker if it would be cool if I could just go into the back office to finish my dinner. I promise it won’t be more than five minutes. She says that it would be just fine. Carefully using the plastic bag to pick it up, I put the last of my sandwich in my mouth as I head to the back office.

After a trip to the bathroom to wash my hands and experiencing the dismay of being out of hand towels, I make my way into the back office. I don’t really like the back office. It’s filled with empty display cases and just feels… lonely. I make sure to eat over the tiny trashcan and not the desk where we make our deposition at the end of the night. I want to keep this place as clean as possible. Despite the fact that I’m away from the prying eyes of customers, I still feel the pressure to rush through my food. In my mind’s eye, I see my poor co-worker being swamped in an unexpected rush of customers. I inhale a bag of Doritos, a Little Debbie snake cake that I don’t need, and even my signature bag of Fruit Snacks. I then down my Coke and bring all my trash to the front of the store to throw away. There’s no evidence that I was even back there.

I throw my trash away at the front of the store. My co-worker says there hasn’t been a customer since I left. Of course there hasn’t been… My stomach feels awful as all the food and beverage I have shot down my throat all hits it at the same time. I feel nasty indigestion and acid bubbling in my throat. I don’t feel all that great… but at least I got my dinner out of the way. At least I’ll be able to serve my customers without thinking about food.

God, I hate eating at work.

We’re having some interesting customers tonight. The first one is this big black guy who comes in around seven. A few hours prior to that, he called and asked me to save him a copy of Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins. When he comes in, he immediately holds up both of his arms in a fashion that would say that he just won an event of some kind. It’s like he’s celebrating just existing. 

Yeah, this guy’s a superstar.

Immediately, he comes up to the counter and asks for his movie. I begin to ring him up. As I do so, he begins to tell my co-worker and me about how he’s excited because he gets to go home early due to the power going out at the gym he works out.

“Can you believe that these crazy motherf*ckers were still working out with the f*cking lights out? F*ck me, man. I had to tell those crazy f*cks to get off the f*cking treadmills and go motherf*cking home,” he tells us.

There’s a customer with a child behind him. I’m laughing. My co-worker isn’t really sure what to do. This guy drops the f-bomb and other curses every two-seconds and does so loudly. Yeah, this guy’s a superstar. After awhile, he starts to look through the comics we have at the front. He looks at the newest Batman comic and says it isn’t worth a shit. Yeah, this guy even knows his Batman. Did I mention that he was huge? He looked like he could crush my head without much strain from one of his arm muscles. He’s big, black, bald, and cursing like a sailor. I don’t know why, but at this part of the night, he makes me really happy. On his way out of the store, he raises his arms in a victory salute to himself again. Like I said, he’s a superstar.

I turn to my co-worker after he leaves and say, “that was an interesting guy.” She only nods her head, turning back to the modules. I write down the words “awesome customer” on a sticky pad to remind myself of him later. Deep down, I know that I don’t need the reminder. During all of this, I forget about the ants and stacking the wall.

My next interesting customer comes in the form of a girl named Christa.

Right now in my life, I’m basically off of women. No, I’m not gay or anything like that. I’m just keeping my focus on other things. I want to achieve a complete sense of focus on my work. I want to devote myself completely to my filmmaking, screenwriting, and creative writing in general. I want to learn as much as possible. When I got out of school a month ago, I immediately began training and testing my mind. I spent all of the day either reading a book, writing an article for YDKS, or doing creative writing. I don’t want any distractions. All women have done for me is cause pain and waste my time. Besides, I always fall in love with the wrong one anyways. It’s just a waste of time, energy, and the thought process. No, I want complete focus- no women, no alcohol, no drugs. I need to focus. I want to focus. You may say that I’m just dooming myself to a life full of pain and loneliness. To that, I say that that’s where most of my creativity comes from in the first place.

Of course this all goes right out the door once one just shows me a little bit of attention. After all, I can’t just eliminate all my feelings. I don’t want to deal with it but it’s still there. I just do my best to ignore it. Hell, I’m pretty much in love with a girl right now. You know what? It’s a mistake. It always is. Every now and then, I’ll find myself wishing that she’d some how be the next customer to walk through the door. Then, I curse myself. I tell myself to focus. I tell myself to put up the movies. In the end, she just ends up making me feel like shit just like the others. Every time I think of her, it’s like a having coal burning inside my stomach. I tell myself that I hate her and that I’m off again. Then I find myself thinking about her again. Then, I go and put some more movies up, get off work, and write for YDKS late into the night.

Despite my need for an asexual lifestyle and my off-and-on again feelings for a certain someone, all it takes is just a little attention from a relatively attractive woman to get my mind to immediately imagine a future with her. A customer named Christa was one of those women. Honestly, I can’t even remember what she even looked like. I remember her being somewhat attractive but, for the life of me, I can’t get a perfect picture of her in my head. This is something that always happens to me when I meet girls that I’m attracted to. They literally cause a memory block in my mind. It just makes me think about them more often, struggling to put a mental image of them together in my mind. This just causes more of a waste of my thought process.

Apparently Christa was a regular. She knew my co-worker pretty well and they chatted it up for a little bit. However, when she was ready to check out, she came to me. She didn’t have anything in her hands and she told me that she needed to pay off a late fee. As I rang up her account on my computer, I saw that she owned 23-dollars to the store. I began to go into my whole spiel on how I’m going to sell her a Discount Rental Card to save her a few bucks. I start to go into how it works when I notice a strange look on her face. Suddenly, I feel like an idiot. Obviously, she has established herself as a regular and, due to that, she probably has heard this a million times.

“I’m guessing you know all this already?” I ask.

Yep. I give a little fake laugh and reply, “Well good, that makes my job easier.” She laughs too. Then, she starts to ask me about myself. She asks where I go to college. She asks if I’m off the next day. She’s witty and sarcastic in her replies and the way she delivers her questions. She’s not really flirty… just energetic and interested. She shows interest and emotion. God, what’s wrong with me? Is that really all it takes anymore? Just a little bit of attention? Eye contact. I make eye contact. She smiles. I smile.

She’s got warmth going through my stomach. For a brief moment, I remember why I love women so much and just the idea of a woman. Just the idea of love and being loved. The idea of someone being interested in you and what you have to say. I’m thinking about this, the warmth inside of me, and all is going so wonderful when she looks up at the TV monitor above my head. It’s showing a promo for Larry the Cable Guy’s latest shitfest entitled Witless Protection. I have the promo memorized by now. It plays every ten minutes. She gasps and asks if we have a copy of that in. My stomach drops. The warm feeling I had in my gut is long gone, replaced with that burning indigestion from inhaling my dinner earlier that evening. Slowly and gravely, I point to the wall to my right.

“It’s in the W’s…” I reply.

She gets her copy. In my head, I’m trying to weigh things out. Am I going to sell out my movie taste for this woman? What am I even thinking that for, she’s just a customer! We just met! She’s just been sarcastic to me… that’s all. She’s just been friendly and already I’m trying to imagine a future and babies and all that crap. Babies? I hate kids. What am I thinking?

I finish her transaction. I tell her I’ll give her the receipt and her movie on the other side of the counter. I say this to every customer that graces me with his or her presence. I move to the other side, tearing the receipt out of the printer as she makes her way over. I have my pen ready. I give it to her.

“You going to tell me what to do?” she asks sarcastically, a glimmer in her eye. I just manage a smile.

I slide that unforgivable choice of film on the counter next to the receipt. She starts to sign her name.

“You know, I tend to be too sarcastic sometimes. I’m not trying to give you a hard time or anything. I know it can get annoying…” she says as she signs.

“No… I like it… it’s nice… for a change…” I say quietly.

She looks up and smiles, taking that black hole of cinema from the counter top.

“I look forward to seeing you around, Wesley. What’s my name?”

“Christa.”

“That’s right. Better remember it.”

I just smile and say goodbye. Then, she’s out the door.

She hasn’t been back in the store when I’ve worked since, but every day since then I’ve waited for her to walk back through that door. I know it’s nothing. I know nothing is going to come of it. But, I can’t help but want to see her walk through that door. I want her attention again. I want the sarcasm. I want the smile. Then, I remember that I need to focus. I remember my new asexual stance on things. I remember the other girl that I’m in love with. Plus, I remember her unforgivably shitty taste in movies. After all, that’s the most important factor here.

I go to put up some more movies on the wall.

Anther customer brings back a DVD that won’t play right. Everything is broken today.

Stay tuned for Part 4... I swear it's the last one. I just had a lot to say...