I had this idea for a movie entitled The Fanboy in high school. It revolved around a highly opinionated movie nerd and his terrible theater experiences. The opening of the film featured the aforementioned nerd and his equally as nerdy friends starting a huge fight while in line for a movie with some guys who were going to see some crappy comedy of the week. The fight ended in a riot in which people got pushed through the glass doors of the theater, were trampled, and got severely hurt. As this chaos was occurring, our bloody nerd hero went to the front of the line and yelled to the bewildered ticket holder to “give him his f*cking ticket!” As extreme as all this was, I really felt like I had a point back then. Everyone around me was only interested in seeing what I considered to be crap and, when they were present in the movie I went to, they tended to ruin it with their comments, cell phone use, etc. Well, I entertained that movie idea back in the tenth grade. Now, I’m about to be a junior in college and I have to say, the theater experience has only gotten worse.
If you go onto any movie site or one of their forums, you will be guaranteed to see a rant of some kind on the present state of the theater experience. It’s almost becoming a cliché to write one. However, I’ll try to write one as personal as possible to give you, the wonderfully loyal reader (and if you do happen to read this blog from day to day, I really do appreciate it very much) a fresh perspective.
Honestly, I haven’t been able to truly and completely enjoy a theater experience for a while now. I don’t know what it is but if there’s just one little thing wrong then that’s what I’m going to be thinking about the entire film. In fact, the only way I can really get through a theater experience anymore is if I don’t care about the movie that I’m viewing. That way, I don’t care if there’s something wrong with the screening or if I have idiots in the screening with me. Let’s just take a look at my some of my past theater experiences this year and see what problems I had:
Speed Racer- too many little kids talking and getting up the whole time. It didn’t bother me as much as it should have but was definitely in the back of my mind.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull- surprisingly, not much was really wrong with both screenings of this movie. However, I had problems with the movie itself so... yeah, not a perfect experience.
Iron Man- the sound was off and was not loud enough. I felt like it didn’t have the impact that it should have. The picture was also off just slightly.
Be Kind Rewind- these people were talking the entire time while on the back row. And by talking, I mean actually have pretty loud arguments and stuff like that. It was insane. Caleb and I didn’t say anything to them because we were afraid we would be stabbed. No, really.
Cloverfield- at one point, a tiny hair was visible on the bottom left corner of the screen. It was there for about ten minutes. For a while I thought it was just a part of the “hand held” style of filmmaking they went with. Then I saw the movie again on DVD and realized the problem was with the theater I was seeing it in, not the film itself.
By looking at some of these experiences, you can see that some of problems I have with going to the theater deals with the theater itself and the people that inhabit it. Lets start with the theater itself. I didn’t really start noticing that some theaters were worse than others until I saw Red Dragon at my local theater back when it came out. During the entire movie, one of the speakers was out and it gave a low, humming sound. So, through the entire movie, all I could think about was the humming sound of the speaker. It was driving me crazy. Throughout the years, I’ve had problems like this at various theaters. One time, the entire film was out of focus and the management refused to do anything about it. It was insane. Problems with theaters can vary from out of focus film, to buzzing speakers, to it being too loud or not loud enough, to the image being shaky, to there being hairs visible on the image, etc. It’s gotten to where, if at all possible, I’m only going to see movies for now on at Malco, which is the nicest theater in my available area. The digital projections they run are flawless and usually eliminate all the problems that I have been discussing above. However, it does tend to be very crowded… and crowds bring along a whole other problem.
People. The single most distracting thing for me in movies nowadays is people. Ignorant, disrespectful, loud, and obnoxious people. People, more than anything in this world, ruin the theater experience for me. People that honestly don’t even deserve to be able to watch movies. People so ignorant and disrespectful that they would rather text on their phones than watch the craft of filmmaking unfold on the screen in front of them. What the hell, man? What is so damned important that you have to text throughout an entire movie? I hate that blue glow of a cell phone in a dark theater. You can see it from any seat and it just takes you out of the experience. Do you people realize that, by texting in the middle of a film, you’re taking yourself and the people around you out of the experience? Do you? Do you even know how special a film experience in the theater can be? It’s one of those few things that still exist that can make you feel like a kid again. It’s something that is seemingly indescribable. It’s something that can maybe even said to be magical. And you, the ignorant, disrespectful viewer, are shitting all over it!
And if texting is bad enough, talking has gotten much worse. What makes you so damned special that you think you have the right to talk over a movie? Are you even thinking about the people around you? A few paragraphs back, I mentioned a situation where people were basically arguing in the back of the theater during Be Kind Rewind. Who the hell does that? Who pays $7.50 to come into a movie that other people paid to watch and enjoy to act like a complete jackass? Seriously. It blows my mind. It makes me sick. It literally gives me murderous thoughts. Instead of being immersed in the film I’m watching, I’m too busy fantasizing about crushing the skull of the idiot making all the noise. Who the hell does this? What’s the point? Why are you even in the theater?
Just thinking about all of this makes me feel like I’m losing my mind. These people are taking one of the only things I truly love away from me. And I hate them for it. I absolutely and positively hate them for it. I shouldn’t have to worry about how people are going to act or if the theater is going to function properly when going into a movie. These days, I spend the moments before a movie starts worrying about these things rather than being excited about the film I’m about to watch. And it just shouldn’t be that way.
While I’m really excited about going to see The Dark Knight on July 18th (hell, I even asked for that entire weekend off from work already just to allow for multiple viewings… dead serious), I’m even more worried about how the theater experience will be. With the theater’s presentation of the film be flawless? Will people being texting and talking in the film? I’m kind of hoping that Heath Ledger’s tragic death will at least keep people from being jackasses during the film. It’s already disrespectful to talk during a film. However, to talk in Heath Ledger’s last full-length feature, that’s a whole new kind of low. Still, it wouldn’t surprise me if people did it. And that thought is sickening. I really feel like I’m gonna have to make the three hour drive to New Orleans to see the thing in IMAX (something I’m seriously considering doing at the moment) to get a proper theater experience. At least in IMAX the thing will be so damn big and loud that it will be hard to be distracted from it.
God, I just want to see a movie in peace, is that too much to ask? I just want to see a film in the context that it was meant to be seen. If one little thing goes wrong via the theater’s presentation or in the actual viewing itself, I’m going to be bothered and upset. I’m sorry if that seems extreme or if I seem stuck up or something, but that’s just the way it is. I’ve paid my $7.50 to get a certain, special experience and if these things that I’ve mentioned occur, then I don’t believe that I’m getting my money’s worth. That’s just the way it is.
Honestly, I think the thing that really gets to me the most is the fact that all these people that sit around me that talk or text or whatever or just so damned ignorant and wastes of space. I really just feel like that they don’t even deserve to be watching a movie. They don’t know anything about all the work that goes into these films and they wouldn’t know a good movie if it slammed into their face. I know hate’s a strong word and I should be more pleasant and open minded and all that but… I’m sorry, these people just disgust me. The amount of pure rage that goes through my body in their presence is unfathomable. I’m really a nice guy but these kind of people might me want to be awful. I’m not trying to be cocky and full of myself here, but yes, I am saying that I am better than these people when it comes to viewing a film. After all, they don’t know shit. And that’s what this site is about. You people need to learn what makes up a good film and how the theater experience can be a truly magic and special event. And you should stop eating up all the crap that most of these studios are churning out from week to week and go see something with a little value in it for once.
Put your cell phone on silent for two hours. It’s not that hard. Keep your mouth shut; I don’t want to know you’re in the same room with me.
Basically, the theater experience is becoming so unenjoyable to me because it just reaffirms how disconnected I feel with most people in this world. It confirms how little I value the poor tastes of others. It confirms how uneducated and lifeless most people are around me. It just reminds me that everyone around me is an idiot and it makes me sick.
I’m just writing my feelings out as they come to me. Sorry if I’m coming off as an asshole. I’m just sick of my theater experience being ruined time after time. It’s just something that’s always meant a whole lot to me. I get to the theater about thirty minutes before the movie starts just to be there. I want the best seat. I want to be there to soak up the environment. I love sitting in the theater before a movie starts. I love smelling that smell of fresh, overly buttered popcorn and soda. I love feeling of excitement for the film build. I love sitting through the previews. I love watching the lights go down…
I love the magic I used to feel. I loved the feeling of all my problems going away, of being transported into a whole other world. And now, I just can’t do it anymore. These assholes have taken one of the things that I truly loved away from me. And I hate it. I miss it. I want it back.
I feel jaded, worn out and depressed. I just want to enjoy myself again. I just want to be able to get lost in the theater experience again. I just want that special, one of a kind feeling back. Is that too much to ask?
Anyone else feel the same, or am I sadly alone in this?
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