So today I got re-hired at my local Movie Gallery, which was my place of employment last summer as well. While I really do enjoy the job, the co-workers, and some awesome perks (three free rentals a day... heck yeah), there was one thing that really came to my attention while working there last summer: people truly know nothing about movies. Day after day, I had to deal with people renting some of the worst crap on the shelves while returning the only decent films we had, asking for their money back. At times, it could be a real test of my patience, since I'm a bona-fide hardcore movie nerd and all.
Since I got my job back today, I figured I'd make what should be a recurring article from week to week. Basically, I'm going to put in here a list of all the stupid things customers have asked me and the frustrations they tend to cause me day after day. Since I don't start again until next Wednesday, below you can find a list of some things that happened to me or where said to me last summer. Be warned, the intelligence of some of these customers will shock you.
Somebody let their kid do this... yeah. Oh well, at least it was a crappy movie.
The Best of Summer 2007:
- "Why would someone ever make a movie in Spanish?"- a customer after I told him Pan's Labyrinth was in Spanish. My reply: "Sir, it was made in Spain." What an idiot.
- "Well this just ruins my night!"- a customer after I told him all the movies he selected (Pan's Labyrinth, Apocalypto, and Letters from Iwo Jima) were in a different language with English subtitles. This is a really common complaint if you haven't noticed.
- "Oh... I don't really want to think tonight."- a customer after I told her there were English subtitles available on Pan's Labyrinth. Of course, you don't, honey. Of course, you don't.
- "When is an English version of Pan's Labyrinth coming out?"- a customer via phone. We told her it wasn't going to come out. I'm running out of things to say on this subject. It really blows my mind.
- "I don't like to laugh."- a customer after I recommended a comedy. She made me want to cry myself to sleep.
- "I just saw Transformers. It was awesome!"- pretty much every male customer that came in the month of July. There was only one guy that said this that I consider cool. He's this guy that used to be a bartender and he would always tip me after I rang him up. So, yeah, that's pretty much all it takes for me to have a high opinion of you: money.
- "You really expect me to pay a twelve dollar late fee?"- a customer who yelled at me for fifteen minutes over her phone (while waiting in the parking lot). Eventually, she got her daughter to pay the late fee. And yes, honey, I do expect you to pay it. Learn our late fee policy. I had a guy come in and pay a hundred and twelve dollar late fee and not even break a sweat. Some people, man...
- "Can you step on this until it opens?"- some Jehovah's witnesses who got a free rental bubble out of a gum ball machine. They couldn't open it so they stood there for five minutes while I stomped on it until it broke open. Then they left me some reading material. What a weird day that was. That's what I get for working on a Sunday morning. My bad.
- "I told myself, if he goes back to that tree, I'm turning this movie off. And he did so I turned it off." -a customer on her reasoning for returning The Fountain. It was one of our most returned movies and another reason for me hating most of the people around me.
- "The game keeps freezing up on the menu. Can you tell my son what to do from there?"- a female customer asking me on the phone to help her son to get through a video game glitch. It's not like I'm there and know anything about the game. I told her just to bring it in and exchange it for another one but she wouldn't yield. I finally just told her that I couldn't help her.
- "I don't want to save money." - a customer after I tried to give her a Discount Rental Card, which would have saved her five dollars off of her purchase. Some people just don't get logical deals. Her loss.
- People would frequently leave their movies on the counter after renting them and would not return to get them. People would also bring their movie boxes back with nothing inside all the time. Sometimes people would leave their Blockbuster movies in our drop box. Yeah, I don't know how you screw that up. Blockbuster isn't even near us.
- People would frequently get tricked by those cheap knock off DVDs of popular movies such as Curse of the Zodiac (for Zodiac) and Transmorphers (for Transformers). Then, they would get mad at us. Sometimes, they would have thought that they watched the actual movie they thought they were looking for and would be shocked that it was so bad. Yeah, they actually sat through the entire Curse of the Zodiac, never questioning why Jake Gyllenhaal or Robert Downey Jr. never showed up. It blew my mind...
- A girl told me the original Halloween wasn't scary and was lame. I wanted to punch her in the face.
Wow, just writing all that down kind of makes me sick to my stomach. Let's hope that God has some mercy on me this summer. There's only so much stupidity, ignorance, and bad taste that I can take. Still, I hope you find my pain some what enjoyable.
More to come I'm sure...
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